A Visit From God

A modern tale.


I immediately begged for mercy. I was not interested in justice AT ALL.

Turns out, He was just visiting–not an official tally-your-quarks-thing. Just a chat. Shortly into the visit, God clicked something off in me, and all of my emotions subsided dramatically, and for most of the visit, I was only a little tenser than a four hundred pound bungee jumper.

God said, “I’ve been watching you since I know when, and you are doing okay. In token of My esteem, I am going to give you something to remember Me by.” Then God extended His hand towards me and materialized a rather small geranium with two pink flowers in a red clay pot.

God said, “It won’t bite. Take it. Take it. I first created this particular geranium before anything else in creation–before earth, before heaven, even before pizza.”

First a visit from God, and then a geranium from God! My emotions at that moment were what you would expect me to have if I had found a winning California Lottery ticket (God) and also a banana split (the geranium if it were edible!)

Spiritual hog that I am, still my trough overflowethed. God said, “Nice chatting. But…,” (looking at His watch). My mind was racing, and-unbelievably, I was speechless. But suddenly, I felt very strongly that I had to give something back to God, and I found my voice at last.

God said, “No, no Coke, thanks, no really, thanks! Really! I’m full. In fact, I am Fullness. By the way, when I created this geranium, I made it from the only material I had handy–that is, My Self. What else did I have to work with, eh? But don’t get too attached to this thing. After all, every THING I ever make is from My Self. But not to worry, I have worked it out so that there is no diminishment of my infinitude. So look, you got the plant. A little water, and it will last a while. But do not feel like you have to worship this plant or anything. Believe Me I did not make this one any differently than I make any THING. And for My sake don’t flip out if it dies. It’s just a plant. So, okay, nice stopping by. Don’t get up. Don’t start a major religion over this visit, eh? (Is God Canadian?) And don’t mess up–you know what I mean. And, since My visit here is something unusual, let Me say in parting that you should sort of continue living your life as you would have had I not visited.”

God vanished, and there was I with THE GERANIUM.

What to do? While it is extremely important to point out that God was obviously telling me that every single speck of creation is sacred omnipresent God-stuff refashioned for our pleasure, and that therefore THE GERANIUM is but one of an almost infinite number of such artifacts, I must also follow his additional bidding to continue to live my life as if He had not visited.

I am therefore pleased to announce that visiting hours for the general public to see THE GERANIUM will be Monday through Saturday 9 A.M. to 5 P.M. Suggested donation: $19.99 adults, $10.99 children under 12. Dust that has been taken off of the leaves of THE GERANIUM is available in beautifully packaged holy micro-baggies–the perfect gift!

Remember, He did not rule out a minor religion.

Ask yourself:

What am I made out of? What is my substance? What would happen if I thought about this a long time?

Am I what I think I am, or is it more true to say I just am? Is there anything wrong with thinking about “me?”

If I were God, how would I go about creating something from absolutely nothing? How could that be possible? Is there any such thing as nothing?

What do I think is holy? How can something be holy? Can I be holy without believing in the holiness of things or believing in God? Have I ever in my life experienced holiness?

If God created everything, why have all religions throughout history selected certain aspects as special or better?

How can it be that I am not holy?If everything is holy, how can I possibly think about war and all the other unholy things?

Why did I think it was funny for God to have a watch? Why do I think God has a body if I think it is silly for God to have a watch? If I think that it would be silly for God to have a body, why would I think that God would bother to have a thought? Why would God have anything to do with anything? Why would I think that God would create at all?

What’s God got up God’s sleeve? Why does God still HAVE that sleeve?

Why would I think it would be silly to offer God a Coke, but feel it was okay to offer my prayers, my life, my soul, my anything to God? What does God do with all these things we keep trying to give to God?

Where does God store everything?

Am I part of God’s garage sale?