Deep forgiving

Read this entire exercise, including the follow-up questions, before beginning the exercise.

Choose someone you love that you are experiencing daily discomfort with because of unresolved issue(s). Here is a ten day process that uses the below list of “intents” that will impact on this situation. Time used for this exercise will total to about one hour over the ten day period. The first statement/intent should be used for the first day, the second the second day, etc.


Put the name of your loved one in the “blanks” of the statements. On the first day, write down the first statement on a sheet of paper. Afterwards, easily and comfortably read this statement aloud six times-softly but loud enough for someone to hear you if they are in the same room as you. Then, close your eyes and think the intent statement six times-use your fingers to count them.

While you are doing the writing, reading and mental repetition, it’s okay if you do not wholly believe that you are telling the truth when you use the statement, but at least HOPE that you are telling the truth when you use the statement.

After the mental repetition, sign the paper, and put the paper where you will see it easily. Wait for awhile-until it feels right-and then, using another paper, do this whole process again. You are finished with this day’s intent when you have six sheets of paper. Spread it out over the day. At the end of the day, do something symbolic to the six sheets of paper to show closure-burn them, throw them away, put them in your diary, eat them-whatever.

Each statement deserves its “own day”, so do this entire exercise over a ten day period. Each statement that you do therefore has a minimum of 78 “iterations”. Savor each iteration, focus on each, and take your time. Taking your time on this really pays off. Warning: this is real work; it takes time, and you will benefit most if you do it in a dedicated fashion. You are going to tweak your personality, and any love you put into the exercise will show up in the results.

Day one: I am eager to change the aspects of myself that create an uncomfortable relationship with __________.

Day two: I release my attachment to the conditions that support an uncomfortable relationship with __________.

Day three: I want to release myself from any need to be able to manipulate or control __________.

Day four: I want to give up even the slightest need to find fault in or change __________.

Day five: I am willing to give up my need to express anger with __________.

Day six: I want to and will accept a life supporting relationship with __________.

Day seven: I hereby completely surrender to __________ being who he/she wants to be.

Day eight: I want and am willing to receive a life supporting relationship centered around truthful experiences with __________.

Day nine: I accept and hold dear a life supporting relationship with __________.

Day ten: At this time, in this moment, now, I have a life supporting relationship with __________.

Ask Yourself,

What is my expectation about the results of the above exercise?

Am I willing to commit to the kind of time and effort that this exercise (and others I might also do) requires? How much am I willing to do and how much time am I willing to spend to get my life straightened out?

Am I hoping for a “magic bullet” that will effortlessly shoot all my problems?

How much of my motivation to improve is dependent upon my perception of the efficacy of the technique involved? Do I only truly and deeply commit to an effort if I am “guaranteed” precise and timely results?

How much is my perception of a psychological tool’s validity dependent upon my core willingness to change?

How much of my evaluation of a technique is intuitive instead of scientific?

What would I say, if after doing all of the above exercise I then had very positive observable results or, the opposite-no tangible results? What would my emotional reaction be? Would this reaction generalize and be applied to other psychological tools? What is my intuition’s guess on what percentage of these kind of tools “really work”?

Did this exercise work? How well?

How much during the day did I dwell on the statement and its ramifications? Did I actually “run the statement” many more times than the actual exercise “forced me” to do? Did this “churning the concept” yield many “side thoughts” about the possible meanings of the statements? Did churning develop a consensus about the core expectation of results for each statement?

What was the range of emotional reactions to the statements during the process? Over the ten days was there a trend in the evolution of the emotions I had during the statements?

How much faith did I have that this exercise would have a positive effect? Did I “secretly” support or resist the exercise-or both?

Why did I select __________ as my “target”?

During the ten days, did my definitions of words and phrases in the statements significantly change? On day one, did I have the same meaning for life-supporting-relationship as I did on day ten?