Examine your relationship with someone you love by noting the reasons why you NEED this person in your life.

Take about five minutes to do this. Make some notes.

Now pick one of your needs, and pretend that you can “just push a button” which will cause this need to cease completely.

Take a few minutes to imagine what your relationship would be like after that need was no longer operating. Pretend you know the future and see how this would affect the relationship for years to come.

If time permits, examine ALL the listed needs in this manner.

Ask yourself:

Has listing these needs given me any insight about the relative intensities of them? Am I much more “addicted” to this other person in some ways and only “mildly dependent” in others?

How did it feel to list the various ways that I need this person? How much “at risk” am I for having so much invested in this person’s attitudes, behaviors, physical attributes, values, support, philosophy, etc.? How do I feel about being so connected in so many ways to this person?

If this person fails to “meet” one of my needs, what happens to my love for this person?

How much more and in what way will I love this person if I do not need this person at all?

If both of us did not need the other but continued to “stay with” each other, would this be a “higher” love? Is this even possible?

When someone meets my needs, do I always “fall in love” with them to some degree? Is this a matter of how many needs are met or of what particular needs are met?

In light of the fact that identical behaviors are being compared, how do I emotionally react when someone I love serves me a meal, as opposed to the emotions I have when that same meal is being served by a waiter or waitress? CAN I actually determine this? Can I isolate and evaluate these incidents with such precise analysis?

How do I feel when I serve my own meal?