Another ancient story: a confession.
Years ago, perhaps in the late seventies, as you may well imagine, I was a person somewhat unlike my present self.
Once, with my car in the repair shop, I was driving a rented car, and by happenstance, while at a red light, I noticed that my very best friend had pulled his car up behind me. I saw him clearly in my rearview mirror, and it was quite easy to see his face and expressions. I knew he did not know who was in front of him. I was driving the wrong car! He could not be blamed for not recognizing the back of my head, which was hardly seen. He could not feel my great love beaming to him. With all the vastness of the world in his eyes, I did not feel slighted.
There is a dark side that all of us play with, and that morning, well, no other way to say it, but “that old devil swept me up”, and instantly I knew my friend was about to have a defining experience that he and I would remark about for years. Indeed, here even now, at this late date, I tell this story to you, and I promise you too will share it with us and will understand why I tell it.
When the light turned green, I very slowly drove forward. Very slowly. I glanced at my watch and knew exactly where my best friend was going at that time of day. I knew with certainty he wanted to get there in short order. He’s always so prompt! And I knew my friend’s rope and how close he often was to one end of it. Did I mention that there was really only one way to get to his office?
But I was in no hurry. I was at least nine million lifetimes old, I figured, and it was about time to slow down. Way down. Way, way down. And, did I mention that this was a very busy two way street, and that my friend had utterly no hope of passing me?
He drove close to my rear bumper almost immediately. I knew why. He was pressuring me with his violation of my sense of autospace. I watched his face in the mirror. With glee. Oh yes, brothers and sisters, with glee I watched, for I was the dark-side’s toy that morning as I thought maybe fifty-seven thoughts a second about how I could get him angrier and angrier. Maybe even seventy-nine thoughts if you counted the glee thoughts.
Right now, some of those glee thoughts are dancing in me. I have recreated them in me now, just so I can decide which ones to tell you about. When you start smiling, that’ll be the glee thoughts polkawaltzing with your neurotransmitters. I see that some of you have already smiled; see how quickly you used your psychic abilities?
So I drove slowly. I knew I wasn’t driving slowly enough, because my friend had not yet beeped his horn. But I knew there were other things that an extremely cautious nine hundred million year old driver might also do that a forty year old lawyer might not readily accept as the wisdom of the universe. But let me tell you a secret; it was the wisdom of the universe, indeed, it was pure knowledge emanating from that situation that day. Perhaps you’ll know this when I tell you how I almost turned left at a corner, and then, well, I decided to continue straight ahead after about 30 seconds of waiting for the traffic to clear.
I could easily see my friend’s happiness in the mirror as he patiently waited for the traffic to clear, knowing that at least I would be out of his way. And I could easily see his face when I decided to continue straight down the road towards his office. I think you can see his face too, can’t you? See, that’s a glee thought! Did I mention I was driving slowly?
May I skip the eloquent portrayal of his increasing anger? May I skip how I almost parked, almost sped up for a half a block, almost turned again, and finally slowed down for a green light and was caught by the yellow and all manner of other things? No? I shouldn’t skip them? Okay, glad I wrote them down already. Your imagination has already written in the details…..gleefully, too I suspect, but so eloquently you imagine!
So let us get to the final moment. Yes, my friend is now seething with anger, and I am almost unfit to drive, because I am laughing so hard and desperately trying not to show him my body shuddergiggling, so that I could maintain the pretense of being someone quite other than he imagined. I didn’t want him to know how much I loved him. That would have spoiled it. Don’t you aglee with me? I imagine now your face as you do.
So finally, finally, we come to the exact intersection where I knew there were two lanes, one for forward and one for right hand turning. I pulled into the right hand turn lane and, of course, got caught by the red light there and had to come to a full stop. My friend immediately pulled his car up next to me. Can you imagine my glee? I tell you that at this moment I am blasting happiness at such a rate that my car is about to enter the astral realm from the vibrations alone, my clothing is becoming conscious, and the hair on my head is forming a democracy. I am the entire universe singing!
At the exact instant where my friend arrives at that point where he has the angle to see my face, I turn and blast him with his best friend’s happiness. I think you can see his face, can’t you?
I do not need to tell you how he instantly transforms from a murderer-to-be to the second happiest guy in the world. He knows instantly from my happiness what has happened.
Now here is the sad part: I did not feel his anger disappear. I did not feel the rush of the surprise. I did not feel the contrast, the relief, or the sun rising in his heart. All I knew that day was pure love, but my friend, my precious friend, knew all things in an instant when time stood still for him at last. How complete he felt in that moment, yes, that completeness, I missed that, that day.
What do I think about this prank? Have I ever had an opportunity to feel like my friend felt?
Has life ever gotten me angry, and it turned out that I was misinterpreting the intent of others?
Is it possible that this life is one big practical joke on me? If it was, how could I find out?
Do I really need to interpret all the qualities of life as being manifested from pure love, before I’ll understand completeness? Can I just cheat at it? Can I just surrender to life and enjoy the joke NOW?
How happy would I have to be to forgive the pressuring of the world as it rides my bumper? How good do all my intentions have to be to have such certainty?
Where do my good intentions come from? How do I support the production of life supporting feelings?
How can I turn my beliefs into actions? How many actions in a row can I do that are direct manifestations of my beliefs?
Is God the loving creator or all my problems?
Who’s driving the universe just a fraction of a second ahead of me?