If you are presently in therapy or feel you need therapy, it would be better not to do the following exercise without first consulting a therapist of your choice. It is that powerful.
This exercise requires a deeply trusted friend who is willing to help you discover deep emotional issues. This is not a light matter. The person who helps you with this will be privy to some of your deepest fears. Better to not do this exercise at all than to try it with someone who is less than seriously committed to supporting your inner discoveries.
Sit together, with your partner on your right, in a way that allows your partner to hold both of your hands in your lap with his/her right hand, and place his/her left hand on the back of your neck.
You must close your eyes, and your partner now begins a gentle, very gentle, VERY gentle swaying of your neck and head from side to side-moving your head no more than a few inches in either direction. Back and forth. Back and forth. Each sway might take a few seconds per cycle. You will NOT HELP your partner to move your head. You must completely surrender to how much your head is moved by your partner, and how fast. No trying is allowed on your part.
Now you will begin to recall childhood memories–any will do. You will speak aloud about these memories and any images or emotions that come up while doing so. Your partner, for the most part, will be a listener, but she/he may ask questions about the experiences. This is done with voices that are almost whispers. The whole exercise is soft and gentle and loving. Your hands must not be used while you are talking. Let them simply rest in the gentle grasp of your partner.
Your partner will be looking for your resisting his/her moving of your head or your moving your hands. ANY resistance or ANY movement of the hands should be noted by your partner with a spoken signal that you agree to, such as the word “there” being spoken by your partner. Your partner’s main role is that of a living bio-feedback device.
Whenever your partner speaks “there,” that is a sign that some special area of your life is being touched upon by your mind, and that you should dwell there while your partner rocks and monitors you. While dwelling, you should continue to whisper about the images and emotions you are feeling. If a minute or so passes without your partner saying “there” then that will be a signal to end the session or to go on to another childhood memory.
This exercise is extraordinarily strong in lifting the veil between yourself and memories which may be supporting negative dynamics in your personality. It is not something you should do unless you are rested, serious, trusting of your partner, and ready to end it if things get too rough. Be prepared for deep emotions to surface.
This exercise can be quite draining. Once a month might be too much. Use your intuition to decide. Your partner must agree beforehand to never ask or otherwise encourage you to do another session. Nor should you feel that you must return the favor and rock your partner. There are two very different roles here, and you might not be the proper person for your partner. Your degree of comfort when considering this prospective role must be carefully attended to and honored.
Finally, if other persons that you trust can also be present during this process, it will be safer and also more powerful. If a group is present, try to limit the number of persons who are rocked to, at most, two or three.
Just what am I doing during this exercise? Why does it so quickly bring about strong responses? Just how close to the surface ARE my issues?
How do I feel after a session? Do I feel that issues have been wholly or partially resolved in any way?
How do I now feel about my partner? Has this been a bonding experience for us? Was this intimacy in any way something I would call “love?” How would I feel if my spouse or significant other did this with another “rocker?”
Do I have a lot of issues that need my conscious attention? What am I willing to do to resolve my mind’s subtle inner turmoil? Would I spend an hour per day for five years doing this sort of thing if I knew I would completely “clean house?” What would living in a cleaned house feel like? Could I live that way now and clean house later?
How much of my present life is strongly colored by past experiences that are dimly or not at all remembered? How do I feel about my childhood experiences and the impact they had on my present personality? Do I need emergency help, or can I take my time with this kind of self improvement?
How much of this session did I NOT actually “do” but, rather, had happen to me?
Why can something happen to me, and yet I feel that I was somehow, albeit inexplicably, the author of my experiences?
How deep do I go? Where does the pure me reside? Or, am I only an experiencing machine that recursively and continually churns a database of memories as it interacts with environmental stimuli?
Is the part of me that experiences thoughts and sensory data the pure me, or am I even beyond Being itself?
How does my definition of “soul” differ from “pure me?”